I Bet You I Can Kill You With This
I'm deathly afraid of my boss.
I'm not afraid he is going to give me too much work. I'm not afraid he is going to block my review. I'm not afraid he is going to fire me.
I'm afraid he is going to kill me.
His name is Stan (not really, but we'll call him that). Stan is a former White House Security guard who now works in technical assembly and project management. He has travelled the world and has certifications from various unnamed government agencies.
Stan is a great guy. Stan doesn't give me much work and when he does, he always shows me respect. He is funny. We swap CD's, talk war stories and generally have a great time.
But the man is not safe. First, he has a vast collection of knives and pointed weaponry at his desk which he often comes back to shows Logan and me in the warehouse. Yesterday, he presented a seven-inch blade whose point could puncture Kevlar and whose serrated edge could cut through corrogated steel. He further explained that when someone comes at you, you should grab the protruding arm, slash upwards and take them out at the elbow. You should then spin them and a quick shot to the kidney will ensure the end of their life in 30 seconds.
"You know why the kidney?" Stan asked rhetorically. "It's a major artery."
Today he comes back to the warehouse and in a subsequent conversation with Logan proclaims that he could kill him with a Whiteboard Marker. Yes, a whiteboard marker. Somehow I believe him. I fear for my very existence at this point. Stan is a wonderful guy, but under that playful veneer, I sense a serial killer just waiting to jump out. Heaven help us.
I'm not afraid he is going to give me too much work. I'm not afraid he is going to block my review. I'm not afraid he is going to fire me.
I'm afraid he is going to kill me.
His name is Stan (not really, but we'll call him that). Stan is a former White House Security guard who now works in technical assembly and project management. He has travelled the world and has certifications from various unnamed government agencies.
Stan is a great guy. Stan doesn't give me much work and when he does, he always shows me respect. He is funny. We swap CD's, talk war stories and generally have a great time.
But the man is not safe. First, he has a vast collection of knives and pointed weaponry at his desk which he often comes back to shows Logan and me in the warehouse. Yesterday, he presented a seven-inch blade whose point could puncture Kevlar and whose serrated edge could cut through corrogated steel. He further explained that when someone comes at you, you should grab the protruding arm, slash upwards and take them out at the elbow. You should then spin them and a quick shot to the kidney will ensure the end of their life in 30 seconds.
"You know why the kidney?" Stan asked rhetorically. "It's a major artery."
Today he comes back to the warehouse and in a subsequent conversation with Logan proclaims that he could kill him with a Whiteboard Marker. Yes, a whiteboard marker. Somehow I believe him. I fear for my very existence at this point. Stan is a wonderful guy, but under that playful veneer, I sense a serial killer just waiting to jump out. Heaven help us.
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