I Should Be Studying

This has become the common refrain of my life. Whenever I'm not showering, shaving, eating or sleeping... I should be studying. I'm not, obviously. Sometimes, I'm driving somewhere or buying a Coke out of a vending machine or picking up my dry cleaning (just saying that makes me feel old!) or saying hello to the other people on this earth I used to have relationships with. But most of the time, yeah, I'm studying.

I have friends (well, they would be friends if I weren't constantly ignoring them in favor of huge tomes of litigious matter) who tell me I need to have a balance. "Relax," they say. "You need to get out. If you are too focussed on schoolwork, you're going to burn out and run into a brick wall." They obviously don't appreciate my chaotic perfectionist nature. Logical and caring they may be, but when have I ever let either of those virtues stand in my way?

I look at my classes instead. I look at my notes, the quality of my class participation, my postings in online discussions (or lack thereof), I listen to members of my study group talk about the issues. And I feel that I am already not grasping some of the most crucial issues we are supposed to be learning.

So, I dedicate more of my day to studying. I get to the library when it opens in the morning and I study until I can't sit in a chair any more. And do you know what the funny thing is? I can't say I feel particularly more intelligent or discliplined this semester. I'm putting in more hours, but a lot of those hours seem to go by without much progress. I can't even say I feel I more confident about my upcoming exams. All I know is I can't take the risk of having a life. Howz that for logic?